I am going to start off with an admission: over this past year, I have been terrified to write. I’ve felt the calling to get back to sharing my uniquely humorous and bizarre experiences in my walk with the Lord, but I flat out said a big old fat “NO WAY!” Looking back, I should have known better. After all, resistance is futile when it comes to negotiating with the Almighty. I thought that maybe this time, my avoidance of eye contact would ensure a delay in revealing how unqualified I feel to be apart of God’s Great Plan. I would also like to include in this first paragraph that my thinking has been completely turned on its head this past month (spoiler alert) and I feel obligated to share my experience with all of you. You’re welcome (imagine me grinning at you in a reluctant manner).
Last dance season, I hired a wonderful helper (whose name I’m happy to share if you need a Paperwork Fairy in your life – message me and I will get you in touch with this total Godsend of a person!) She encouraged me to tidy things up in ways I never knew possible. If I had a problem, she could come up with a reasonable and simple solution that I could implement in my business – and things actually started to get done! Where I lacked, God had created a helper to come and fill the areas that needed a fair amount of addressing. During this time, I had to come to grips with the idea that God had created someone who was “better” at understanding the paperwork and systems side of my business than I was. That, at the time, seemed so wrong. I thought that if God wanted me to start LOFT, then He should make me good at all the things a business requires! All of them! I chuckle now at my thinking because writing it down, and seeing it in print, makes me realize how silly my demands on God were. I worried that if there was someone more gifted than me in this area that God would finally take notice and be like,“Ya, so Joanne, thanks for your time but . . . “ fill in whatever corporate diddle daddle that politely releases me from my contract!
This brings us to this new dance season. My friend and I have learned to work together really well! I get to be the fun, crazy one with wild ideas and dreams, who gets to spend time getting to know everyone by name and face, meanwhile mentoring the next generation of dance teachers. She gets to be the one who figures out exactly what I’m talking about and try and get my feet to touch the ground ever so often. This means that the very minimal paperwork I do now actually gets accomplished! Sidebar: her job is way harder than mine. God is brilliant – this is a way better setup than what I was doing – shocker! So while we were registering students over the summer, we opened up two additional spots in each class. This was my attempt to try and combat the waiting lists and get some new families into the studio. She had her mission and was on it! We had our amazing current families plus a couple new faces in every class. When the first week rolled around and I went to greet many of you on my front lawn, I honestly didn’t know you! That was nuts to me. Probably sounds silly to a person who is in a different line of work but let me describe it to you this way.
In my youth, I dreamed of being an entrepreneur. My first venture was a table of lukewarm terracotta coloured play-dough in plastic wrap that I attempted to hauk at a village wide garage sale when I was eight years old. I had no sales. In fact, I would have been in the red, except my mom graciously pardoned my debits for the flour and salt. In grade five, I learned how to knit (only a narrow rectangle that’s it). With my newly developed skills, I put together a business idea! I presented the long rectangles I had created and sewn buttons onto in a decorated shoebox (my own little portable display cabinet). They were magically transformed from knitting practice patches into the most chic, ethical, probably close to organic, and maybe even gluten free, headbands available on the school yard between the hours of recess and lunchtime. I made one “sale”; but this sale was overshadowed by the fact that even though I had signed up this girl to a four-day payment plan with no interest, I never saw a dime on that one whole dollar. I had wanted to start a babysitters club once I was nearer the age of twelve but had an incredibly hard time finding friends who I would trust to endorse to watch other peoples kids, and who would also be ok with me taking a small finders fee off the top of their sitting fee for using my good name to make the introduction. I took a break from my endeavours to enter the “real” work force when I was fourteen and got my butt kicked while learning so many incredibly valuable lessons in the service industry. I even threw my hat into the direct sales industry for another handful of years where I bought way too much inventory and sucked at cold calling or follow up with regular clients. At the age of twenty four I had experienced enough during my many other small business start-ups to come to the conclusion that there were some aspects of entrepreneurship I just really sucked at. I was relieved to start the next chapter of my life: Motherhood; cuz that was going to be a piece of cake (total and complete sarcasm).
When God called me to start LOFT, I had just had a baby and was looking forward to years of implementing all the Martha Stewart crafts and recipes I had been memorizing since the tender age of twelve. It was my total and honest dream come true to be a homemaker and stay-at-home mom. I was going to be finishing off my dance teaching career at the best studio on the planet and roll right into making all my pasta from scratch and labeling everything in sight. Then I was asked a question that derailed all my self-indulgent, over-controlling dreams. “Are you willing?” God was asking. My answer was “I don’t really have time right now,” how Canadian. I was going to let God down with a polite excuse for my unwillingness to serve. He answered back, “I will make time.” I pretended I didn’t hear him. Looking back at how clear His questions and answers were I am mostly thankful that He didn’t strike me down where I stood with fire and brimstone. He persisted for days (might have actually only been a few hours, I am really ultimately not good at being constantly defiant). Finally over a basket of perfectly folded receiving blankets I broke down with streams of salty tears dotting what I thought my soul passion would be. I was going to start something again, so that I could fail again, and learn more about the things I was not accomplished at. When I ran the initial numbers, I figured that I would need forty students who would join me for once a week dance classes in a tiny loft I rented off my parents. If I just had forty students then I could afford all the expenses for the year (that I knew of at the time) and I could serve and obey God and I wouldn’t be away from my new job, “motherhood” for too long.
That was almost five years ago now. This is the first time our wonderful LOFT family includes people who have to tell me their name, where I can’t name all siblings in a family, and I haven’t memorized every single class roster. I definitely know a lot of this stuff, but not all of it. It makes me sad and uber self-conscious that I don’t know all everything. But on the other hand, it also makes me rejoice! I have been able to lead this growing family of people who are actively seeking a God-focused class for their children to attend. I have been privileged enough to be a part of our dancers, and their families, walks with the Lord. I have been able to pray, sit in emergency, applause during musical productions, hold your precious babies, laugh with, cry with, and laugh-cry with some of the most important people in my life today all because God asked if “I was willing.” And He’s had the grace to help me along when I was scared that I would fail again. He is never done teaching me, even when I am so over learning, and its because He loves me, and I am valuable enough to Him, that He does not just let me be.
So long story short – obeying God’s calling in my life, in this and many other journeys, has sometimes resulted in failures from my limited perspective and understanding of His plan to bring glory to his kingdom. However; regardless of where I fall short, He has created the perfect solution to continue the good works He has started in my life. Every new learning curve has brought me closer to His feet, blinded me by His goodness, and made me so very thankful for His mercy.
I would love to encourage you this year as we go forward, to listen to God’s calling in your life. Be still and know that He will use you in far greater and bigger plans than you could ever imagine for yourself and it will be awesome. And when you need someone to lament to – I am your girl!
Dear Lord,
I am so thankful for your protection while I have been learning the lessons you have for me. I want to thank you for each and every soul who is apart of LOFT. Please bless them and be ever present in their day to day lives. I pray that you would put a burning desire in our hearts to obey you and that you could help us parents be examples of Christ chasing individuals for our kids, AMEN.