I wrote this entry a few nights before someone very dear went to be with Jesus. She was a mentor and a friend.
I expected that loosing a grandparent as an adult would somehow make more sense or hurt less because I would be more equipped to deal with the ocean of emotions that loss provides. Alas, it still hurts. My Granny was very fortunate to have lived a long life, full of love and died peacefully in her sleep (due to Cancer), without having to say goodbye to any of her children or grandchildren before “her turn”. She was a “good God fearing woman” but this was her daily request/stipulation while talking to Jesus. It’s not too often we can say we got exactly what we asked for but in her case she was fortunate.
I felt compelled to write this then and yet publishing didn’t feel right until now. So I hope this comforts or kicks you in the butt depending on what you require at this time.
-love Joanne
An Ode to an Editor
Many of you have been with us now for a number of years. Some of you even have been a part of the LOFT Family since the “beginning”. Our first registration was in June of 2014 and our very first show was “Home for the Holidays” that December. The show was based around the narration of a fictional piece that I had written. A short story about a family who were desperately attempting to create the picture perfect Christmas but were all so distant and cut off from one another. Their car breaks down and they get stranded at a greasy spoon restaurant. They end up eating grey cafeteria style meat and obviously discover the “true” reason for the season- the birth of their Saviour. The show was magical in the sense that the church was overcrowded and wonderfully warm. The windows along the main sanctuary were dark and cold with the December frost. The lights were glowing and dimmed low. We had even burned cinnamon apple candles before the show so the whole place smelled sweet and cozy. The kids were adorable and perfect on the tiny stage. We topped it all off by singing a hymn at the end by candle light. I Cried, everyone cried; therefore it was deemed a success.
Although so many things have changed since that first little production some things remain the same. We could break it into a “formula for success” perhaps, but I think the power behind the show remains that the glory of the accomplishment is always directed at God. He has allowed LOFT to exist and therefore with every fiber of my being I want to humbly worship Him through this format of a dance show.
This year we have lost this ability. In fact along with the show we have all suffered loss collectively through this COVID season. We have felt the reality of how precious our daily routines and extracurriculars are. We have lost things we may have taken for granted.
Many of you “since the beginners” may also remember that the first show was narrated by my Granny. She has a low cracked voice that may not have been referred to as lovely but it is one of the most precious sounds to me. Granny has always encouraged me tremendously during my life. She allowed me to use her basement suit as an atelier where I created my prom dress and many other garments while applying for a spot in a fashion design degree program. Always there to listen to me try and figure out my adolescent musings. She was the one who treated me to my first cup of coffee (I think I was sleeping over one night when I was already in highschool). We have spent hours discussing politics, religion, business and countless other things. She encourages me to continue writing and is one of the first people I send all my blog posts to so I can get a second opinion on my crazy thoughts before I make them public. The beauty of the internet, we are public about our insanity now.
She is sleeping now in a hospital bed very very soon to meet Jesus and although I know I will live on without her I feel the tremendous weight of sadness. The loss of comfort that I will no longer have access to here on Earth. Yet I rejoice and once again redirect all of the glory back to our Maker. Because through loss we are able to trust and grow in faith as individuals.
I also grieved during this time for the season we completed but in an unconventional format. I am saddened by our inability to meet in our studio and worship together. I am once again humbled by the fact that we have extremely minimal amounts of control. So then what can we do if we have no control. The one constant through all of this is the grace that our Father has given each of us the free will to decide how we will react when faced with loss. How I respond is the thing I can control. That is the remnant of normality I can always run back to God with. And I will. I may take a few days to wallow in self-pity, eat all the sweets in my house, and possibly drink a little more red wine than what is good for me but the fact remains long after the loss of people, pride, and the best laid business strategies. God is good and He has created me with intent and purpose to share His love with those around me. I will once again roll up my sleeves and figure out a way to be obedient to His specific calling on my heart.
And I am no special brand of human. I am made up of the same dirt as everyone placed on this Earth. When I die and go to hang out in heaven with those who have believed and gone before me, my Earthly body will burn up or rot just the same as all the bodies before and after mine. Don’t you dare use anyone else’s life as an excuse to let yourself off the hook of obedience. You’re too important to God to just exist. You may have been a surprise to your Earthly parents but you for sure did not pop into existence by accident with our perfect Heavenly Father knowing all about it. Not only did He create your little miraculous physical body, but He has a purpose for you, for your whole entire life!
I leave you with a poem that my Granny planted in my life. A poem that her mother left with her.
Said the robin to the sparrow “I should really like to know why these anxious human beings rush around and worry so.” Said the sparrow to the robin “Friend, I think it may be that they have no Heavenly Father such as cares for you and me.”
-Elisabeth Cheney
Please know that we at LOFT love each of you and we are so looking forward to dancing with you someday again in person. I did not plan this pandemic but God did. Rest in knowing that He has the whole world in the palms of His hands and cares enough to provide food for all the dumb birds and cares enough to include you in this worlds function too. Don’t tap out because of fear, anxiety, grief, loss, pride, failure. The list could go on forever. You will for sure feel all of those feelings many many times. Lean into the peace and promises God has made to you.
“Dear God, thank you for your plan. Thank you for the privilege to feel tremendous pain and receive unrelentless peace from your promises. I pray that you fill each of us up with grace for one another as we navigate unknown territory during this pandemic. I pray that we will once again be able to hug one another and be able to encourage one another in person, and closer than 6 feet apart. I pray for emotional and physical endurance and when our bodies fail I pray for miraculous energy that gets us nearer to your goals you have for our lives. Please give us courage, please give us hope and please allow us to grow deeper in our faith and trust in you. May our lives fully and completely reflect your glory” – AMEN